-Why do they put red dye in Benadryl, when Benadryl is what is used to treat allergies (to things like red dye)? Does not make sense to me. At all.
-Netflix is changing their price structure- again. It’s very annoying and frustrating. But Blockbuster couldn’t hang in there, and now we’re stuck with them. Redbox is great- but who actually remembers to go to the store the next day?? I never do. I end up paying the $25 because I forget to take it back. I get to keep the movie then- but still. There are some movies that I don’t want to admit to owning, you know? Anyway, I changed our plan to just watch-it-now only, and figured if I want to see a movie badly enough, I’ll just buy it. Really bad move on the part of Netflix, though. It makes me wonder if they are getting some sort of kickback from the retailers who started losing out on dvd sales once people realized they didn’t have to buy the movie they could just Netflix it.
-Thanks to a couple of photography gigs this month, I was able to get some very cool/useful pieces of lighting equipment for my food photography work/hobby. Plus, my future in-laws’ birthday gift to me was some linens/tea towels that I had been wanting for a while, so it will be exciting to start photographing food again once the lighting equipment comes in. I was getting too frustrated with lack of light in my little apartment. Of course now, my apartment will look like a photography studio. ha! Fine for me, but not sure how Joseph and Dylan will feel about that. They’ll live I suppose- I put up with all of Dylan’s trains everywhere and all of the random socks that Joseph seems to put in the strangest of places.
-I shot a first birthday party this past Saturday, and it was really fun. The little girl was just so adorable, and the parents went all out- the whole house’s decorations were changed for just the one day! Too sweet. It was a small party, by Sri-lanken standards, but to me it was huge. I couldn’t imagine throwing a party that big for someone who will never remember it. I did, however, take lots of photographs in a tiny girl in a huge pink dress, with more lace on it than I have ever worn (combined) in my entire life! She was such a sweetheart, and really loved the camera once she warmed up to me. I have to say, being a mom has really made me better at photographing children in general- once the mommy part of me kicks in I can really connect with the child and make them feel at ease.
-The longer Facebook exists, the less I like it. It’s either cheesy updates that end with a “repost this if you care” or something similarly stupid, outrage at whatever the current political or social climate is, bad news about how x person in x state murdered their child/spouse/workplace, or someone being dramatic about something going on in their life. Worst yet, it’s the #1 place for people to brag about their job/kid/life and it just drives me nuts. But when I stop to think about what I’d prefer people to post on Facebook (the conversation goes something like- “ok you don’t like it- but what do you think they should post instead? Don’t bitch unless you have a solution!”), I realize that Facebook is exactly the place to do exactly that sort of thing. I generally tend to hide people if they fall under a few categories- still friends on FB but not really friends anymore, people I friended out of politeness, people whose status updates are always about Jesus or something religious, people who are eternally bragging about how brilliant their child is, or the drama queens.
Then that got me to wondering who has me hidden. O.o.
I don’t use Facebook much anymore, just pop on every now and then to see how people are. It might just be the medication, but it feels like a lot of the extra things that were sort of a frivolous use of time have fallen away.
-Speaking of medication- I don’t think I’ve talked about it here yet. I suppose I wasn’t ready to do that until things worked out one way or another. But it’s been a couple of months now so I suppose it’s okay.
As a military veteran that has been diagnosed with a high disability rating for an anxiety disorder, I am given free health care at the local VA hospital and a monthly disability stipend based on the percentage rate of my disability. This is great for the most part- the disability stipend helps me because it means I don’t have to find a second job, and can afford Dylan’s preschool. This has been quite useless, however, in the actual medical care part. I saw someone for four months and I think he was probably the most useless therapist I have absolutely ever encountered.
So I finally got fed up and decided that my medical insurance from work would help take care of some of the costs, so it was time to go find a proper doctor. I found a neuropsychiatry office, and scheduled a visit.
It was almost an entire day full of a wide range of tests- everything from the ones where they make you touch your finger to your nose and stuff like that, to computerized tests that tested your response times and something like IQ. At the end of it, I was surprised to find out that the diagnosis was ADD- and that my IQ is rather substantial, which is why, the doctor believes, it went undiagnosed for so many years. She started me on a medication regime and there was a marked difference, even from the first day.
My life has been very, very different since then. I never really believed that people really had ADD before now. I’ve always just felt that if I tried a little bit harder, or was less lazy, or more committed to staying more organized, that I’d be able to do break through the haze that seemed to slow me down and be the “real” me. The one I wanted to be. But no matter how hard I tried, it just didn’t work out- leaving a depressed and anxious Melanie in its wake. Reality now? Much different.
My impulse control issues- completely gone. My thoughts are so much more organized. I have lost (quite a bit of) weight because I am no longer drinking (at all- tried it once when out with friends and it makes me feel really sick with this medication so I’ve just quit completely), no longer overeating or just eating on impulse. Plus the medication makes food not really taste that good, so I have to choose what I eat-and the choices have been based on what’s good for me instead of what tastes good. I’m also a lot happier because I’m getting more accomplished, and have been a lot more patient in general- and especially with Dylan, which is a definite bonus. I’ve also had enough of an attention span to get on my exercise bike more often and stay on it for the duration of recommended physical activity as well.
It’s gotten me rather excited for my future, as I have been able to sit down and start learning things that don’t come naturally to me. It’s kind of thrilling to be able to actually understand things that I just couldn’t wrap my head around before now. The doctor said it made her wonder what I could have done with my life if I’d had this diagnosed sooner- and I sort of laughingly agreed, but I suppose there’s no use in dwelling on that.
-Finally- I bought Dylan one of those books from Hallmark, where you can record your voice and the child can look at the book and hear you reading it to them. It wasn’t what I expected- it was more like a really long card rather than a story (the disappointing part), but he loved it so much, last night he sat in bed before he fell asleep and looked through it five or six times before I finally had to tell him it was time to turn off the light. I think the books would be cooler if I could actually record a real story instead of just a “McQueen is cool and so are you” kind of story, but he was happy to get it.
I was going to give it to him on his birthday, along with his other Lightning McQueen themed gifts, but I never had time to record it. I finally got around to bringing it to work with me yesterday, simultaneously remembering a small screwdriver to open the recording box, and it really was just in the nick of time.
Dylan’s dad, despite the lease agreement indicating that no pets are allowed, and my extremely strong objections to him getting Dylan any sort of pet, bought Dylan a hamster about 3-4 months back. Well, with Dylan being here full time now, he hasn’t been over to see the hamster in a while, and really never brought it up. Yesterday, though, upon realizing that it’d been more than a week since he’d spent any time with Dylan, his dad asked to walk him home from preschool. It was on this walk home that he decided to tell Dylan that he had let the hamster go in the woods outside the apartment complex, and that Hammy (the pet’s name) wasn’t going to be around anymore. Dylan came home in tears, crying his heart out, and of course I was more than a little upset. I didn’t say anything as I avoid any sort of adult confrontation if Dylan is around, and resolving his tears was more important at the moment…but, if looks could kill I would have been jailed for homicide.
However, with lots of cuddles from both me and Joe, the promise of the cat he wants to get (he’s already named it Ixie) someday when we have a bigger place, and a Lightning McQueen book later, and the world seemed okay again. He was really quiet most of the night though, and it just really made me hope that his dad leaves to live/work elsewhere sooner rather than later. He’s been released from all child support and has agreed to me having full legal and physical custody- he just can’t seem to get his life together. Plus, he keeps letting Dylan down and it breaks my heart to have to pick up the pieces, because pain is never something you want your child to experience. Inevitable I suppose- but I’d rather it not happen when he’s five, you know?
I’d never keep him from seeing his dad, but I am looking forward to the day when I can help him manage his expectations and explain things in a way that will give him better perspective. Until then- I guess I will just keep doing what I’ve been doing- the best I can.